She still crosses his mind,
There are still avenues and highways
named after her in his brain,
But they now lead to a dead end.
His heart still has a cabin etched after her,
It still skips a beat at the thought of her,
But then, it is followed by a sharp ache
that makes her blur.
The irises still dilate at her glance,
The eyes still awe and shine when they see her,
But the lids have now learned to close them at her sight.
His fingers still crave for her touch,
They still want to tuck her hair under her ears,
But the tips have now undergone necrosis – they won’t feel her.
The feet still want to run to her,
They still desire to match paces with hers,
But they have grown numb and tired of waiting for her halfway for years – she was supposed to be there.
He still hyperventilates at her proximity – even if it is vicarious,
His nose still picks her scent first,
But the olfactory cells have now decided not to react to the stimuli.
His ears still spring to life at her mention,
They still filter her voice from a mass of people,
But the next thing they do is file it under ‘white noise’.
His lips still demand hers,
They still mumble her name every now and then,
But they have wised up to recite poetry that is not about her anymore.
They still curve towards sky thinking of her,
But a second later when truth sinks in, they curve the opposite.
She still gives him butterflies,
Only a few left though,
Some have died, and others have mutated into moths.
There still are memory cards full of her in his mind,
He can play them whenever he wants,
But don’t worry – write protection notch is on.
The hiccup still reminds him of her – just sometimes,
But the ones that follow drown him to reality that she’s not the reason.
There are traces of her in him,
But don’t worry, she’s still 100% – wholly whole.
He has not taken any from her nor has she given him any,
Just that the parts of him cloned themselves like her or a part of hers without his consent.
So now, 10% of him is her,
The rest of 90% is still completely, exclusively, genuinely him – up for grabs,
Again, don’t worry -10 is also 100% of itself,
It is like he’s managed to get a compressed version of her that she has no claims over – all rights reserved.
They say he’s not over her, but need he?
He chooses not to – can’t just lie she never happened to him – not to him, not to others,
She is the decision he won’t regret,
But also the decision he can’t afford to remake.
He has reined in only the parts of her –
That made him more human and a better person,
Losing her is enough -he can’t afford to lose the good bits in him.
Now that he knows she resides in him,
He has learnt to make amends with the situation,
He can tell her everything, but she cannot do the same with him,
Also, he can complain with and about her, but she so CAN NOT.
They have successfully signed an agreement about this impasse of him, her and his future –
He has decided to employ her and she has no choice but to comply,
She won’t get to intrude in anything but his creative world,
She is her creative confidant and this was their first opus.